Shame (go back »)

I've never in my life been truly ashamed of myself or of something I've done until just recently. I was weak. There's no excuse.

I've been someone else for the past two months. I've lost a lot. I had a death in the family. I was banned from competition because of my health. My mother has been sick. My dad doesnt make much money. I'm basically the primary source of income in my home. There's so much pressure on me now.

All of these are good reasons to allow such weakness to show its ugly face in my life. If I were simple. If I were stupid. If I were truly ugly inside.

But I'm not. I'm strong. In the face of adversity, I always come out on top. And the other night? I made a mistake. I made a mistake that might ruin a lot of relationships in my life. And I betrayed not only those relationships but myself as well. And I want to hurt now. Because I deserve nothing less.

God please forgive me.